TO BE PERFECTLY BLUNT, a homegrown zine like Beach Badge no more needs a theme song than a $16 billion economy like the Jersey Shore requires such a small-time publication to sing its praises. And yet, here we are.
I was crawling through Baltimore’s Fort McHenry Tunnel one winter morning, thinking of images I still needed to drop into the third issue (including a shot of the Great Auditorium, in Ocean Grove), when a bit of word play came to mind – something about “blue claws” and “blue laws”. As frequent culprits of the latter, Methodists quickly bubbled to the surface, and soon my mind was awash with the people, places, and things I most closely associate with the region. I felt compelled to jot them down as soon as I got to work. By lunchtime, I had three pages of notes – and no idea what to do with any of it. Was this exercise in provincial free association fodder for a future essay, a prose poem…or maybe nothing more than an unpredicted brainstorm?
That evening, I pored through my haphazard notes – but my mind kept returning to those first few words. Blue claw. Blue laws. Methodists. METH-o-dists…
To my ear, an underlying rhythm began to emerge. Ever curious, I picked up my ukulele and began to strum…
***
Admittedly, I pose no threat to the bona fide songwriter, nor do I stand to swindle Satan out of his shiny ukulele made of gold. My musical acumen will entice no self-respecting ladies to bypass the riptide in favor of the darkness beyond. The late, great Israel Kamakawiwo’ole can still safely dare to dream. In short, I’m no more a musician than I am a singer or songwriter.
However, as with learning ukulele in my late-40s or publishing a semiannual tribute to a place I’ve not lived in for more than 20 years, things like improbability or lack of experience do not easily dissuade me. Popular song has long sustained itself on “three chords and the truth”. And let’s face it: musical prowess, in this case, was incidental. What really mattered were the words.
Over the next few weeks, I wrote and rewrote the lyrics multiple times, invoking as many of the touchpoints that, in my view, make the Jersey Shore the Jersey Shore as possible. Some of them, such as Taylor Pork Roll and the “Jersey left”, are widely celebrated/reviled, while others speak to personal experience. The final draft – a 375-word tribute to my Jersey Shore, delivered in just under three minutes – belies my lifelong admiration for the dark, irreverent wit and wordplay of songwriters like Tom Lehrer and the late Warren Zevon. I spent collective hours working to reconcile its refined verbosity with my self-taught strumming, resulting in an end product that I feel captures Beach Badge’s DIY spirit.
But one more question remained: Now what?
***
As an ’80s latchkey kid with access to 21st-century mobile technology, I naturally decided to make a music video. I eschewed conceptual storyboarding in favor of a more literal, line-by-line approach. A few quick overnight trips to the shore allowed me to collect some of the necessary footage. However, with 127 miles of subject matter to cover and limited resources at my disposal, the project all but ground to a halt.
Crowdsourcing solved that problem. Drawing on various inhabitants of the Beach Badge cinematic universe, I compiled the outstanding content and completed the video in summer 2023. For their contributions, I wish to thank Davida Breier, Stacey Daly, Danielle DeZao, Tom Minton, Michelle Moon, Mariette Papic, Laura Quinn, Dan Taylor, and Garnet Whitby.
You can view the fruits of our labors on YouTube (@BeachBadgeZine).
For those inclined to sing along, please see the annotated lyrics beginning on page 9. As always, thank you for reading – and, for those who dare, listening.
William Patrick Tandy
Editor & Publisher
November 2023
Eight Stone Press 